Sweaty palms, worries, and a crippling sense of anxiety.
For our ancestors, fear meant to withdraw from danger. A hungry lion was in the bushes waiting for its meal and they had to survive. This fearful gene has been embedded so deeply in us that it hasn’t been able to keep up with how safe our world has now become. We no longer have hungry lions hunting us or the fear of not being able to survive till the next day. Now our fears are more internal. Fear of failure, fear of embarrassment, fear of disappointing our family, and much more.
I was offered a job this week (yay) but, instead of joy – I have been crippled with fear. The joy is also there but, I am more fearful of things not working out. The job is a start-up so, I will be losing the comfort of an established company. It is a new sector for me altogether. It is with new people and everyone knows – I am scared of people.
Despite this fear, I know that I have to move forward. The fear is not real and on the other side of fear lies my future. We are taught to rely on our instincts and our “feelings” too much. Feeling fearful of something isn’t an indication of real danger. Sometimes, it may mean that you are actually moving forward.
Feel the fear and still do the damn thing!
Self-love comes up over and over again when you’re trying to get over a heartbreak. People will tell you that to love someone else – you must love yourself. It is cliché but, for a reason. Self-love is crucial to not only fixing your heartbreak but, also to being at peace with yourself. If you think about it, you are the most constant thing in your life. You have your family and your community but, your relationship to these external factor depend solely on your relationship to yourself. We should put as much effort to our relationship to self as we do to external relationships.
Recently, I watched a video by Teal Swan on YouTube. She talks about how self-love is the shortest path to enlightenment. She encourages everyone to ask this one question whenever you are faced with a decision: “What would someone who loves themselves do?” This question should be the guiding factor in how we treat ourselves.
What would someone who loves themselves do after a heartbreak? Would they wallow in their pain or would they try to move on gracefully? What would someone who loves themselves do with their finances? Would they spend recklessly or only make mindful purchases?
This question can be a guiding factor in how we move in life. When we treat ourselves with kindness and love – we can move on from the negative to our purpose. I plan on using this question with many decisions I face.
One thing I will say about this is that the answer to that question isn’t always the easy thing. You might be tempted to answer that question by saying “someone that loves themselves would take a bath and drink wine every night!” J ….and sometimes that is the answer. But, I think the answers might not always be what we want to hear. It might be difficult things we face. It might be choosing to make that cold call, choosing to finishing that assignment we procrastinated on, choosing to confront someone, and moving away from things that do not serve us.
Good luck with your self love journey.
Teal Swan’s video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zQHv75ahYDQ
Lately, I have been trying a daily routine. Waking up at 5 AM was a bit difficult for me but, I still thought of the main things I wanted to accomplish each day along with having a productive day at my job:
- Read for 30 mins everyday
- Work out everyday
- Do one productive thing non-work related but, career focused each day
- Practice Gratitude
I have been doing all 4 except for the meditate part. I haven’t yet gotten into meditation yet but, I am trying to get there. These few things I do each day has played a part in how I feel. Literally, all self-help books and motivational gurus say to do these things. It’s funny how we know exactly what to do but, we still avoid it. Why do we delay things that may actually make us happy? Like, why can’t I just sit down and learn how to meditate? Everyone has said it will make me feel better.
Here is to pushing ourselves to do things that we know will help us and stop this process of self-sabotage.
These past few months , I have been dealing with failure. I usually have never really failed at anything. I was always a good student and I have been in school ever since I remember. My idea of failure was the occasional C’s in class and the occasional job rejection. These three months though have knocked the wind out of me. I have failed in pretty much all areas of life. I got rejected from 2 of my dream jobs that I interviewed for, I got rejected by someone I love and the most painful are the small failures. What are the small failures? It is the daily choice I make to be less than who I am capable of being.
The first two things I cannot control. I can’t control who hires me and who loves me. But, I can control my daily choices. I can control when I wake up, I can control to not hit the snooze button, I can control my addiction to my phone, I can control my propensity to spend hours on Instagram. I have control of these things but, still I choose failure. I choose to not wake up. I choose to be comfortable. I choose not to go to the gym. I choose misery.
Why do we do this? Is it because we’re comfortable where we’re at? Is it because we’re lazy? Is it because we’re scared of what we may become if we do make these choices?
The big failures are not my fault but, the little choices of failure I make in a daily basis is something I have full control over. I can choose to do better and be better. I can choose to work hard. I can choose to wake up earlier. I can choose to read instead of binging Netflix. I can choose to push myself out of this rut.
That is what I am going to do today and I will do tomorrow morning. Choose success in your daily choice. Do not fall victim to daily failures. Choose to do better.
“When you pray, move your feet” – African Proverb.